im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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