I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
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Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
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Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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