i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
