If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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