I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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