Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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