there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
