do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
