Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize