Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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