You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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