i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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