I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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