So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
