i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
