I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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