You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
