Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Randomize
