I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
