I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
