so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
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Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
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Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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