shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Randomize
