There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
