Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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