I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
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I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
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They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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