You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
