It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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