yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I intend to get homeless drunk
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
