Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
