I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize