im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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