You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
