I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
