Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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