OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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