You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
no, he came in my armpit
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
