his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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