am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
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