i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
