I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
