I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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