I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
