Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I could have mohawked her pubes.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
