Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
