this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
