...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
