I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
These tits shall not be calmed
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
