benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
