Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
