i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
