PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Ladies don't puke and tell
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
