That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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