Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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