I am puke
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Sext me about skeletons
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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