looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
