There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
