How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
