I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
