he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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