My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
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