I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
