it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
