she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
