she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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