i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
