i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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