Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
