I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
