You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
