The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
This baby is an asshole
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
