My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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