Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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