the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
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