I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
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Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
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Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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