If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
